October 14, 2011

For Posterity

Almost three years now. It's been almost three years since I've touched this site, and I'm doing so now, nearly four months into another weight loss push, in order to preserve my experience. Reading through all of my posts from years back, it really shows me what an awful, awful relationship I had with food. Back on my first attempt on WW down in L.A., seeing the bits about the compulsive eating, binging, etc. - it was scary. I haven't been that low down in quite awhile.

So what's new with me? Well, I'm still living in the house I mentioned during the previous go, and I'm still with my partner of nearly 7 years. I am gainfully employed now, but the wonderful dog I mentioned, Zippy, passed away quick tragically in 2009 from a brain tumor. The mixture of long-term unemployment combined with his loss left me profoundly depressed. I am now on medication to treat long-term, deep-seated depression, and I do believe the stability I've found with that has allowed me to approach weight loss in a new way.

I decided to join Jenny Craig back in late June, and I've been on it ever since, no binges, no regrets. And so far I'm down over 30 pounds. Many days can be a struggle, and the food certainly becomes a bit boring - but I haven't felt out of control with my eating, and I'm slowly feeling stronger and stronger. And I've had zero gains and have lost over 1.5 lbs (on average) each week. Is Jenny Craig working for me? I'd say yes. For my lifestyle, it works, and it keeps me in line.

I'm experienced enough to know that things won't always be rosy: there may be some weeks where I don't lose at all, or that I even register a gain. And there are days where I have cravings like you wouldn't believe. Cravings that harken back to the glory days of 2004, when I was eating 2 burritos in one sitting. There are moments where I want to eat a whole planet of food. But I'm really proud (and a little shocked) to say that I've been doing pretty well at managing those cravings.

So I'm feeling confident. Every week I lose is another week towards long-term success. Each week I avoid falling victim to the cravings is a week towards lifelong taste changes. It's pretty exciting. So I'll log in from time to time to share my successes and challenges - because looking back at all these posts is so mesmerizing, and in the future, when I'm feeling nostalgic, I can come back and read through my journey.

diary | posted at 11:39 AM

January 06, 2009


So maybe it wasn't the brightest idea to start Weight Watchers a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Between that, and Christmas, and New Years, it's been a tough opening stretch. To add to that, the weather has been totally crazy where I live, and we were snowed in for two weeks. My car is still stuck in our garage, because the lumps of snow still haven't melted. So no meetings for about 3 weeks now.

But enough about the excuses - I laid off the plan for several weeks, but always with the intention that I would get back on track after the holidays. Well, it's officially after the holidays, and yesterday I stepped on the scale, expecting to be horrified.

Yet I wasn't totally horrified. In fact, I was thrilled to see that I had only put back about 1 lbs. And I hadn't been tracking. And I hasn't been exercising. So what was it? I think it was not having "bad" foods in the house. While I did enjoy more Weight Watchers 1-point Giant Fudge popsicles in one sitting than any one FAMILY should consume in a week, they were only 1 point each. And I had pleasurable meals, but often they were REAL meals... not takeout or burritos or ice cream, but chicken, and turkey chili, and home-made black bean tacos made with all-light fixins.

Also, my last Christmas gift came yesterday (all our Xmas presents came really late this year, because of the weather holding up all shipments): Dance Dance Revolution for the XBOX 360. I had asked my boyfriend for this back when I was first starting Weight Watchers... you know, in those first "ideal" days. After time passed I became less-enthused about it. But my boyfriend went and bought it for me anyways, and even when we hooked it up last night, I was worried that it would be too difficult for me. I looked at the dance pad and thought, "How the hell are my legs gonna move from one direction to the other?"

It wasn't until my boyfriend got on it and ran through the beginner levels that I got a real taste for it, and soon after I was on there, beating his scores. :)

So last night I worked up a good sweat on it in about 20 minutes. And today I unlocked the "master" game mode, where I was able to turn on "workout mode". With the workout mode, you enter your weight, and as you play the game, it logs how many steps you've taken, and how many calories you've burned in a day - and logs it for future reference. Now I'm super-excited about it. I'm kind of an Xbox achievement-whore, so the idea of a) working out, and b) getting gamerscore for it is AWESOME.

So yeah, I'm back. And I'm not mad at myself for taking this "time off", because this isn't really a "diet", this is a lifestyle change - and I know that to make it work this time, I need to be flexible, roll with the punches, allow myself to go off track every once in awhile, and soon enough the new lifestyle will be a habit.
So I'm eager to get back to my WW meetings this Saturday.

diary | posted at 06:59 PM

November 30, 2008

And Then It All Kind of Fell Apart...

I've had a rough couple of days (we all do, right?), as the Thanksgiving holiday served to be a test of my portion control - and I failed... miserably.

This was the first year my partner, Erik, and I didn't visit our families. We have some extended family in our new city, but we hadn't heard from them in awhile, and weren't expecting an invitation. And most of our immediate family is down in southern California. We didn't really want to treat Thanksgiving like any other day, because we wanted to be festive and all that, but neither of us ever had any hand in the Thanksgiving preparations, food or otherwise, so we had some work ahead of us.

I basically went from knowing NOTHING to: 1) roasting a whole turkey breast, 2) making delicious stuffing with celery and apples, and 3) making candied yams that Erik said were the best ever (I'll have to trust him on that - I never had yams and only had a bite of his this time). I had made the mashed potatoes, green beans, and pumpkin pie before, but those were in the mix as well. (I even liveblogged the entire day with photos on Flickr -- warning, these are of food, mainly!)

It was a HUGE day. I was on my feet, barefoot in the kitchen, all day - and oh, how my feet were sore afterwards!! I was so proud of how the meal took shape - it was just like the food I remember eating growing up, and as food is an emotional, comfort thing for me, I was in heaven...

And I completely ignored any semblance of portion control. I filled a plate with turkey (white meat, of course), large heaps of stuffing and mashed potatoes, green beans, a crescent roll, and about two tablespoons of gravy (not bad on the gravy, actually). And afterwards, I had a slice (okay, maybe two) of pumpkin pie topped with whipped cream. My only saving grace was that I made the pie with nonfat condensed milk, and chose the lite whipped cream.

All in all, not a horrible night. All the work I had done, toiling in the kitchen, helped to offset the gluttony. The problem is, the gluttony didn't stop when the clock struck midnight. No, on Friday I had pumpkin pie for breakfast, and an insanely yummy turkey sandwich at lunch (with whole grain bread and lite mayo, sure, but I went and screwed it up with stuffing on the side!), and then dinner was MORE turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy... and then I had another go around with the pie. And another.

I was feeling pretty bad by Friday night. My weekly Weigh-in is early on Saturday morning, and I was dreading it. A little after 1am, I decided I was not going to go - a mixture of embarrassment with just not wanting to go in that early. But I tempered that with a resolve to put the last two days behind me, and keep on trudging. So Saturday, I was back with a vengeance - counting my points, drinking my water, making Erik eat the last of the turkey, stuffing and pie.

I have no idea where my weight is in relation to last week. Am I up? Am I down? Well, my curiosity will have to wait until next Saturday. All I can do now is take each day until then, one day at a time.

diary | posted at 07:59 PM

November 24, 2008

The Year Without Thanksgiving

This year, my boyfriend and I will not be traveling anywhere for Thanksgiving festivities, nor will we be hosting any festivities of our own. Nope - it's just him and me this year. We joked about having burgers for Thanksgiving, but I know we're both a little bummed about not being able to partake in traditional Thanksgiving Day fare.

So my question is: What meal-items do you suggest for TWO people on Thanksgiving? Other than mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie, we've never prepared any of the traditional items: turkey, stuffing, gravy, etc. We really don't want to have a bunch of leftovers, and we certainly don't want to roast an entire turkey... but we do LIKE turkey breast... a lot.

Any suggestions? Also, if there are Points-conscious choices out there, I'd love to hear them!

November 22, 2008

Disappointed, But Not Too Depressed

So at the end of my second week, my weigh-in revealed a gain of 0.4 lbs. It wasn't a total shock, I mean, I knew a gain was a possibility - but I had hoped it was a small one. When the "weigher-inner" told me that this week I was "at 0.4", I thought it was a loss of 0.4, and nodded my head - thinking "Whew! I dodged a bullet there!"

I didn't dodge the bullet. When I sat down and looked at my booklet, I was informed that the 0.4 was a GAIN. I was bummed, but I thought "I deserved it." Not the most encouraging thought-process, I know.

But what's interested is I came out of the meeting with a resolve that I haven't felt at all this week. My first week's drastic loss of 5.2 lbs. left me sort of cocky for the week. I thought that because I only really spent half that first week officially "on program", that I could splurge a little more than I should have this week. Those thoughts crawled up and I caved very easily to cravings.

This week, I plan to resist those urges to overeat as much as I can. I'm not going to beat myself up too badly for my weight gain this week. Because this week is over, and a new one has officially begun.

diary | posted at 09:04 AM | comments (1)