It was IN MY HAND!!
Last night I traveled to my father's house to do some laundry (well, have my little brother do it for me, as my back is, well, you know). I was starving when I arrived, as I hadn't snacked properly before. I ravenously scanned his freezer compartment, finding (thankfully) some Healthy Choice entrees. I heated myself up an enchilada meal and gobbled it down within ten minutes.
Back to the kitchen. I was doing that whole aimless wandering thing through the cupboards and fridge. You know, that I'm sort of hungry, but don't know what I want so I'll just look in here and see if there's anything that piques my interest sort of wandering.
And when I opened up his pantry doors, I was treated to a dirty, dirty, FILTHY sight. A pile, nay, a mountain of candy bars. Who keeps Mount Fucking Butterfinger in their food pantry?!? Evil people, I tell ya, evil people bent on my own personal diet failure, that's who!
Three Musketeers, Milky Way, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, the aforementioned Butterfinger - they were all accounted for. My mouth immediately felt insanely watery. I couldn't resist, I picked up one of the twenty-seven available Three Musketeers bars.
And you know the very first thing I did when it was in my hand? No, I didn't sniff it or give it a freshness rating by touch - I folded over the back flap and looked at the nutritional information. It was instinctual! The minute I saw that it was 260 calories and had about 7 grams of fat, I set it back a-top the pile.
But I wasn't done yet. Nooo, no, no, no... there was a Milky Way bar staring me in the eye, yearning to be picked up, and again, I didn't resist. But what did I do again? Yes, I read the nutritional info the manufacturers try so hard to shield you from eyeballing. This was 270 calories and had a whopping 10 grams of fat. And it's even smaller than the Three Musketeers bar!!
So I dropped the Milky Way as fast as I could and closed the pantry doors. I didn't run, screaming like a mad person, out of the kitchen. I wasn't done yet, I wasn't satisfied with my grazing just yet. I needed something, anything to appease my need.
"Dad, do you have any bottled water out in the garage?"
Thank sweet-Jehosevah he did. I grabbed me a cold bottle of water out of the "2nd fridge" out in the garage and pulled me off a less-than-ripe banana, and then ran screaming like a mad person out of the kitchen.
Moral of the story: Next time, suck it up and go to the damned laundromat!
Posted by weezgrrl at April 20, 2004 10:15 AM