So I'm sitting here at work during a nice respite, surfing from one diet blog to the next, looking at dieters' overall changes and their daily experiences. And the commonality of the whole patience issue I find really interesting, and really bizarre.
It's a bit bizarre, living one's life waiting for the proverbial paint to dry. We suffer through (and come on, y'all, it is suffering!) weeks and months and years of dieting, food obsession, and exercise ups and downs, and our battles are hard won.
I'm thinking to myself: why can't I feel the loss? I do feel it, at times, but they are fleeting. My turtleneck feels a bit looser in the arms, a recent photo makes me look significantly lighter - heck, my little brother, while helping me off the couch last night (it was one of those couches that sucks you into it) even remarked that it was easier helping me up. But why can't I be cognizant of these changes at all times? Why can't there be a flashing neon sign in my office and at home reading: YOU'VE LOST 20 POUNDS! WAY TO GO! ?
I think weight loss is most-difficult because the effects come on so gradually that you hardly notice them. "Didn't these pants fit last week? Did they not fit? Were they this loose back then? They must have, I don't feel any lighter. Does my face look skinnier? Perhaps, but why is my waist still so huge? Why can't I go from a size 22 to a size 6 LIKE NOW?!?" These thoughts plague me Every. Single. Day. I want to wake up and find myself lean and toned (and, well, with a great tan, too!), I want to be able to do one of those martial-artsy springy moves where I go from a prone position in bed to standing up with a single movement, and I want to find my wallet stuffed with cash so I can go out and buy a whole new wardrobe on the spot. Why can't I? Why must I wait this seemingly-interminable amount of time before people I haven't seen in awhile don't recognize me? Why must this be so difficult??
I don't know. It is what it is, I guess. I knew when I signed on that this wasn't going to be a walk in the park. But some days are just so agonizing. Food is a hard substance to come to grips with - one requires it to survive, so you can't just up-and-quit, but too much of it, or the wrong kind can prove hazardous, as well. On a number of occassions I have silently wished that my addiction was with nicotine, or alcohol. Those hazards can be dropped altogether, and one never need touch them again, but food... well, it's just different.....
...But it's only this time on my hands that's causing me to be so reflective. I just need to keep myself busy, and then I'll be just fine.
Posted by weezgrrl at June 7, 2004 01:47 PMFirst, I like your hair! Socond, I liked today's post too! Patience is virtue huh? lol Well, the only thing that helps me and - sort of - keeps me patient is the whole getting to know myself again, and in another way. Changing habbits is tricky and you got to love you to do it.
Posted by: Argyro at June 8, 2004 02:18 AMIt is totally sporadic, and you never know when you are going to be suprised by the way something fits or get a comment from somene like my punk brother, who says to me yesterday "you're doing great on your plan, you are looking good".
I haven't even lost 10lbs yet, only 8, but that is no small feat. Try picking up something that weighs as much as you lost....sheesh girl 20lbs is amazing ;) And look at it this way you are on your way to succeeding.
I am all about being excited about weight-loss this time around, because I don't want to have to DO THIS again. This is my 3rd time starting over. I keep hoping I can just make it to 1/2 way.....the rest is downhill from there? Or at least you figure you've had enough positive reinforcement, you can SEE the changes in your body, your weekend family photos aren't so HORRIFIC. I know I can do it. Good luck on your journey~!
mystie