Last night was hard.... Hard with a capital "H". Getting to the center and getting on that scale and sitting through the meeting were just hellish.
I've gained about 5 lbs. from my lowest point, bringing me up to about 223 or so (can't remember, I've blocked most of last night out). The meeting was centered around summer eating ideas, and it just made me want food more and more. So after the meeting, I went and got burritos and ice cream. (Sigh.) Two great tastes that don't exactly taste great together. It's not even about the food or hunger anymore, it's about feeding the craving.
It sucks, royally, but I'm not giving up or giving in. I haven't had that moment (as I have in the past) where I just fall into the idea that I'm going to stay fat forever and weight loss is not for me. That idea has not punctuated itself into my mind yet. And I hope that that's a good thing.
Last night, I left a little note for me leader, asking her to call me if I don't show up next week. I'm not even sure she received the note, as she was busy speaking to other members, and I left it with another staffer requesting her to slip it to the leader before she left.
But I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I'm hoping that I will climb back onto the gravy train that is healthy eating and eagerly arrive at the meeting next week, ready to show a loss.
Posted by weezgrrl at July 7, 2004 03:29 PMI have been where you are so many times and I remember it really vividly. I wish that I had some sage words of advice that will magically make it all OK, but I don't. I can only tell you that you'll make it through this and you'll be stronger and more determined when you do.
Posted by: Denise at July 7, 2004 08:50 PM