May 17, 2003

not much going on here

I've been absent for about a week and I feel absolutely terrible about it. I don't have internet access at home right now, and this is the first time I've been on the web in almost a week. It's weird, I feel so behind! I logged on earlier today and felt swamped with checking out all the sites I frequent - plus I had a bazillion junk emails to go through. Hopefuly I'll get service hooked back up at the house and all will be well with the world again.

Unemployment has been tons of fun. It's so paralyzing, in a way. I've been sleeping a lot. I've read about 4 books since last Saturday. I went three whole days without talking to a single person. Today would have been the first day in a week-long vacation, but being "in-between-jobs" makes the idea of going out and painting the town a bit nerve-wracking. Tonight I went to see The Matrix: Reloaded with the little brother and felt nervous about spending $18 on movie tickets.

I have to go back to the former workplace to return some keys and paperwork and a book that a co-worker loaned to me... but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Perhaps I'm still in denial about the entire thing. Part of me is just humiliated by the whole thing. They told me I was being laid off because it's been "slow" and they need to cutback to stay afloat, but another part of me is thinking it may have been for other reasons? I may never know. At least they were nice about it. I guess I'm just still not over it.

Another part of it is the breadth of opportunity. I have so many directions I could go that it's a bit overwhelming, just pondering it all. I could try to find another gig in post audio. I could move back home and go back to school - study psychology or anthropology or particle physics or something weird like that. I've felt a bit under-utilized and under-challenged in the past few years. I got into the post audio field 7 years ago because of how moved I was by film sound - the visceral reaction I had to it... and now, having allowed myself to be pushed into a more administrative aspect of the field, it feels a tad lackluster.

But, it's late, and my little brother is asleep, and I should stop loudly typing on his computer. Thanks to all for the supportive comments. I promise I will be back in the swing of things before too long.


posted by julie at May 17, 2003 12:18 AM

things people have said

Hope everything works out for you. Sounds like your doing well. You need to post some photos!! Let me know if there's anything I can do.

so said: mualk at May 17, 2003 10:19 PM



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