June 07, 2003

time for a change?

In the last few weeks, I've been giving some serious thought to moving back in with my father and two younger brothers. Unemployment came unexpectedly for me, and among the plethora of choices I find myself considering, ditching my current habitat for the (possibly) rent-free environ of "home" is becoming the most appealing.

The idea of finishing college is something that has been on my mind for the last four or five years, yet I haven't had the opportunity to attend classes in any regular fashion with the types of jobs I've had. So this could be that opportunity. If I take the needed leaps, all types of new things could open up to me.

Moving back home is not an easy decision. I have a tendency to come at odds with my family - it's just a normal dynamic for us. And when I eventually moved out of the house at the age of 21, it was a mixture of really wanting to escape and sort of being pushed out. Not long after I left, any and all belongings I had remaining in the household were boxed and unceremoniously thrown into the garage, to be disturbed by spiders and for the most part destroyed due to exposure. Too soon after, my childhood bedroom became my brother's.

There's the issue of my father, who is stubborn and firmly set in his ways, which are, I have come to learn, often times contradictory to my own. But over the years, and with the unexpected flight of my mother, certain tensions between my father and I have eased. I think it's because I went out there and started making a living - supporting myself. I even lent him money on occassion - and he in return.

There's also the issue of the perception that I would be losing my "independence" - which isn't a very large issue at all, actually. Being self-supporting has allowed me the real world experience to know the difference between independence and total reliance.

Lastly, there's the issue of parting with the place I've been living in for the last six-and-a-half years. It's a very cool place to live, sometimes. The neighborhood is great. The size, while sometimes restrictive and causing some cabin-fever, is actually pretty good for a single person - though not very good for the decorative-minded. If things didn't work out at my dad's, it would be almost-certainly impossible to find another place like this for the low-low rent I'm currently paying.

So, it's alot to think about. I've been trying to envision what living there would be like... what my days would consist of. My move back may not yield the warmest of receptions, so I'm trying to think of ways I can contribute to the household to help ease the transition. Of course there's the general household work that I can aid - but also, the family tract home has sort of fallen into shambles since the abandon of my mother.

My father tries to keep the house clean and looking nice, but it has become, truly, a bachelor's abode. The carpets are stained with gawd-knows what, it smells of tobacco, and, what with my mother taking most of the family furniture upon her departure, the home's furnishings are sort of slap-dash. So there's that.

Plus, there's the issue of my thirteen year old brother, Matt, who is about to enter high school with little of the discipline it requires in terms of study habits. If I were to go back to school, he would have an in-house role model of sorts - someone to help him out, if needed (he's so darned preternatural at math he may actually be able to help me!).

So, all these ideas are swirling around in my mind right now. It seems like alot to think about, but I'm trying not to let it weigh me down too much.

posted by julie at June 7, 2003 07:57 PM

things people have said

Really dig the layout, julz.

Seems you have a lot to think about. Hope you bode well, whichever decision you make. I really like your quote, "Being self-supporting has allowed me the real world experience to know the difference between independence and total reliance." So true.

Anyways, take care a' yourself, keep well.


so said: rumbanik at June 9, 2003 05:16 PM