March 17, 2005

an open apology to anyone bothered by my sunglasses

Dearest Friends, Readers and Co-workers (mostly Co-workers),

I apologize, sincerely, for constantly forgetting that my sunglasses are perched atop my head. Even though it's probably odd, maybe even a bit off-putting, to witness someone walking around indoors with sunglasses tucked onto their skulls, try to think of it as "quirky" next time; really, it is quirky.

I don't know how this dirty, filthy, sunglass-wearing-on-my-head habit began. I think my mother is to blame. Not just because she can be blamed for most of my dirty, filthy habits (because, yes, she can), but because I have recollections of her perching her disutilized sunglasses atop her head. It's all her fault. Please direct your complaints and witty comments-in-passing to her attention, though I can offer you no forwarding address for her. I think she lives in Michigan, somewhere.

Though instead of just relenting to your guff about my sunglasses, let me offer you a few reasons why the habit is not without merit:

1. With sunglasses fitted atop your head, the chances of misplacing them are slim. Oh, you'll think you've lost them. You'll even spend more time than you'll like to admit hunting them down, but the slightly embarrassing realization that they've been with you the entire time always hits at some point.

2. You'll save a massive amount of money on unnecessary hair bands, scrunchies, et. al. Assuming "massive" is defined as "approximately $0.30 per month".

3. You'll get all sorts of attention you weren't otherwise expecting, or wanting. This is great. The comments never get old. Ever!

4. You're always ready to GO! With the sunglasses always readily available, those quick jaunts out to the vending machines across the way is no longer accompanied by the stabbing pain in the eyes caused by the new glare of the outdoor sun.

In conclusion, please shut the fuck up about my sunglasses already. It's not that big a deal.


posted by julie at March 17, 2005 02:27 PM

things people have said

Back in the 60-70's when I was a young man it was very kool to do that. I guess as G. Harrison once said, "All things must pass."

I say whatever floats your boat.

so said: RB at March 18, 2005 09:23 AM



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