April 21, 2005

...and a vacation i shall have

Little after I went and complained about the trivial things that bothered me did the universe decide to smack me with something only slightly less trivial to complain about.

Oh man, my stomach! Well, probably not actually my stomach, to be truthful, but I have some sort of intestinal distress going on - distress of the "oh man, I think I've easily shed five pounds right there"-variety - and for the last 24 hours or so it's made life slightly less bearable. So much so that today, what would have perhaps proven to be a banner day in my career - a stepping stone to greater things, surely - I'm forced to resign to my pain and inability to stand for longer than a minute without needing to be frightfully close to a toilet, and call in sick to work.

I'm such a lame-ass. Lame, lame, L-a-a-a-m-e.

It was a painful night, if that wasn't obvious. I wished for the sweet relief of death on more than one occasion. When my father was awake and preparing to drive my brother to school, I took my chance and requested he stop somewhere on the way home and buy me something, anything to relieve my foulness: Pepto-Bismol, Imodium AD, a loaded shotgun.

Have I mentioned how much of a lame-ass baby I am when it comes to pain? Yeah.

Thank heavens, he returned with some Imodium. After a few hours of trying to re-hydrate, lamenting my lameness for having to call in sick, and getting the wickedness to subside, I fell into a brief nap. I awoke feeling better. Better, but weak. It was time to try something to eat.

I was feeling good. No immediately evil side effects were felt. A bit later, I again fell to sleep. And I awoke just a bit ago with the gnawing pain of food not sitting right. I curse you, food, from the shallow depths of my soul! But I'm sipping water, and that third Imodium has been swallowed.

I'm going into work tomorrow, that's for damned sure. Even if I end up making a crazy-embarrassing mess in my cubicle requiring everyone in the building to vacate for the remainder of the business day, I'm going. That'll show them I'm a trooper! That'll make me hate myself less!

...Or more, I dunno, but who cares, ouch, just make the cramping stop!


posted by julie at April 21, 2005 06:26 PM

things people have said

lol. just lol.

so said: erik at April 21, 2005 07:42 PM



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